Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The problem with the world today...

The problem with the world today is Starbucks coffee. On every street corner, spreading like a disease around the world (apart from Israel, we had the good sense, for once, to give that shit back!) – Anyone who actually thinks that it is actually any good needs to come to the realisation that they have bad taste, poor judgement, have never drunk a decent cup of coffee in their lives or perhaps like the taste of weak, close to the taste of urine coffee… oh and those who like Dunkin Donuts are even worse!2

The problem with the world today is that we are all sheep. Where ever you go, herds of people all clustered together looking the same… and yet still referring to themselves as alternative. Alternative to what? Times Square it is the tourist and the police who are only there to pose or hold cameras for the tourists; Wall Street it’s the suits; Williamsburg it’s the Hipsters; in a small bar around the East village it’s the punk rockers/ Goths… I was the only alternative one in that bar my friend! Accept it we are all human… alternative to what? Vampires maybe…

The problem with the world today is “Harry Potterism”. I would like to begin this section by stating that I am a fan of the Harry Potter series. Yes I may have tried to avoid the craze, however once I bit the bullet I realised that it was not half bad. That being said, it has since brought a craze of Harry Potter copies. “Well J. K. Rowling managed to make millions out of wizards… how about Vampires?” No no no!!! Please stop! The problem with the world today is our ongoing and tiresome urge to drag out a good thing. One sushi bar makes a killing the first week it opens so as a result 30 sushi bars open on the same block. Soon all we are eating 24/7 is sushi… Get my point? No I don’t think you do. My point is Twilight is literary garbage! We have Vampire Diaries, True Blood3 and the Twilight movie series. I sure hope that vampires do not exist because I am telling you if I was one I would be pissed!4

The problem with the world today is we are all so hell bent on making it a better place that we ultimately forget the truth that, people steal, people cheat, and given the chance most people would help themselves to the wad of cash in your wallet and not give it a second thought. We are a species evolved by self preservation, self growth anything to move ourselves forward. The sooner we accept that fact the better off we will be and the less shocked we will be when finding out that someone has stolen our credit card details and racked up £1800 worth of debt for you5. If we accept this truth then finding our coat/ cashmere cardigan stolen at the end of the night would come as no surprise and we could perhaps save ourselves a great deal of heartbreak in the long run.

The problem with the world today is that we, and by we I am referring to my own kind… women, we try to be Superwoman. Ladies, we are not Superwoman, we should stop trying to be a fictional hero… no Wonder Woman is not real either so stop. No I mean it, stop it! There is nothing wrong with not being able to fit everything into your already jammed full life. Getting married and having babies does not mean that you life should be getting up at 5.30am for a yoga session before fixing the kids breakfast; taking them to school; heading into the office for a little nine to six ass kicking because you are of course the office rock star; using your lunch break to go to the organic market so you can make your family the most wholesome and natural dinner possible, getting home from a long day to sit with your children and help them with homework/ teach them a second language; head back to the gym as soon as the children have gone to bed; take a detour via the beautician to get waxed and plucked so that your can put on your sexy lingerie when you get home and give you husband the best time of his life… again! Yes it sounds like the life dreams are made of but seriously it does not have to be this way… and if you cannot do it all then please stop beating yourself up about it! Moreover if you by chance one of these ‘Super’ women who can do all of this (without being addicted to a performance enhancing drug) then please stop gloating about your achievements in public and making other ‘mere mortals’ feel inadequate.

The problem with the world today is that the Beta males have become the new Alpha males. No I have not moved on to men bashing. I am woman bashing right now. We are after all our own worst enemies… I mean men cannot help themselves they are only doing what comes naturally, but we… we stupidly think that we can change them. Women! There is no changing a man. Word up! Anyway back to my point being that prior to deciding that the Beta males were to become the new Alpha male we did not consider that these Beta males were the boys who grew up geek. The shy guy who had no balls to go chase after the girl of his dreams… Guess what ladies, they still don’t! Don’t we want our men to fight for us? Don’t we deserve that? Fight for it you bastards!

Ok morning rant is over. Thank you!

1. This post was inspired by friends on Twitter and Facebook who bitch and moan about this stuff almost as much as I do… I said ‘almost’
2. Sorry Ahuvah!
3. I kind of secretly like this one
4. Oh lord I have started writing with an American accent
5. Well in this particular case me.


IsraLuv said...

dunkin donuts is not *shite* .. .but it aint an latte. or an hafooch.

its different. and good.

eli7 said...

the thing you are missing about Starbucks is the experience...the warmth, the coziness, the nice service... so by the time you get your watered down tasteless 95 calorie skinny vanilla latte you no longer care how shite it tastes...oh and when you are in bumblefuck China with no food to eat the coffee and scones are a taste sensation!

Anonymous said...

Why would you want people to fight over you?