Saturday, April 07, 2007

What is it?

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, a lot of thinking about my life. Right now there is nothing really coherent I can reveal... at least not at this point, but once I have a plan I will fill you in on it. Right now I am just full of questions... questions and quandaries and wondering perhaps if someone out there has the answers that baffle me...

You see, I often tried in my youth to not think too hard about things. To let everything happen as it should and perhaps this is why I find myself now wondering what it is I want, like and care about age 27.

Then there is the B side... The side that is not the side you necessarily bought the album for, but always happens to have those little gems on it that are once in a lifetime and you cannot believe that the artist decided that mixing the record with some other random artist, not within his genre, but are so glad he did! Sometimes I find myself listening to that B-side over and over again and thanking whoever is up there that I decided to jump out of my bubble and then there are times when I just think about it and realise that I am slightly crazy... well I must be.

Am I crazy to suddenly change everything at age 27?
Have I lost the plot to after finding my home and friends that I love to put it all to one side to sit in solitude for an indefinite period?

Is it weird that I don't want to meet anyone right now, because it will hold me back from uprooting my life again?
Is it strange that I cannot say I love you to a guy?
Is it creepy that he calls just to tell me has a confession to make?
Is it odd that the confession is that he is showing my picture to his friends?
Do you think it is freaky that he shows my picture to his friends?
Do you think it means something that he says he loves me just the way I am?
What does it mean when he says he loves me?
What does it mean when he says he loves me and I freeze?
Do you think he has issues because he loves me, shows me off to his friends, but doesn't want to be with me?
What is it about me that make guys love me, chase me, and then ultimately when they have me, try and convince me to be their new best friend?
What is it about me that makes me now try to figure all this out?
What happened to me?
What is it?